I have lived in a constant state of fear and hopelessness for all my life.  My earliest memories are not those of a happy childhood, where many remember their parents doting on them with love and affection, building a stable foundation of love, safety and trust.  Those years of my life I remember spending in agony.  As I would cry myself to sleep at night, I would look up to God with helplessness and ask Him why?  Why was I put in this family where everyone around me was hurting me so badly?  Why did certain family members find pleasure in hurting me and making me have sex with them?  Why did I have to have sex with strange men who would come over to the house?  Why was I beaten and forced to hurt other children who were brought over?  Why was all of this happening, and why me?

The amount and degree of abuse I have sustained during my life is hard to put into words.  If I were to accurately account the physical, psychological, emotional and sexually-perverse nature of my abuse, most would either choose to not believe me, or think that I was sick to even suggest that family members could be so terrible to their own child.  My abusers knew this to be true, and combined with my fear of what I was told would happen to me if I were to ever tell anyone, I was forced to deal with the pain and confusion of my abuse all alone. 

Even though certain family members were hurting me, I still wanted desperately to please them and receive the acceptance and admiration I wanted so badly.  As my nightmare continued, day after day, year after year with no end and no escape I remember finally deciding that love was a lie and even if it did exist, I was obviously un-worthy of it.

As my abusers continued to tell me that I deserved what was happening to me and told me that God could never forgive me for the things they were forcing me to do to others, the weight of guilt, shame and condemnation became suffocating.  By my teenage years I absolutely hated myself.  I was angry, bitter and hardened– angry at God for putting me in this family and for not hearing my cries for help as a child– angry at myself for deserving such treatment.  Self-pity became my only source of comfort.  By this time in my life, I was living in complete and total defeat.  I had accepted and believed what my abusers had told me all my life– I was nothing but a horrible person, who’s only purpose in life was to be controlled and used by others and to hurt other people.  As sick as it was, this became my identity.

I am now in the process of overcoming the pain and mental torment from that nightmare.  This process largely includes me continually making a conscious effort to stop thinking of myself as a person in bondage, and to begin thinking as a person who has overcome his abuse and is on the road to becoming all that Jesus created me to be.  A scripture that encouraged me to do this is Romans 12:2 which says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

Now, after ten months of restraining orders, where my brother Joshua and I testified in open court about the abuse we sustained and the current threats to our lives by our abusers, I am finally away from my now ex-family and part of a new family, where I and my brother have been adopted.  I will never forget the moment on November 23, 2008, when the judge gave me my new last name– “Manning.”  I realized at that moment, that my nightmare of abuse had ended and that Jesus Christ had given me a new life, a new name and most of all a new family that treats me as a human being with my own free will. 

I was recently assaulted by one of my abusers as I was getting out of my car one night. He threatened me and told me that I’d better keep quiet about the abuse, or “the secrets” as they call them, or he would kill me. His goal was to cause me to shrink back in fear and return to all the strongholds (mindsets and attitudes) that he knows are there due to his abuse. I have a choice to believe him and those strongholds or to choose to believe Jesus Christ. I am going to choose to believe Jesus Christ.

The road to recovery from abuse like mine is long and arduous. It takes dedication and discipline in God’s word. Whenever you make a decision to undo something the enemy has gone through great lengths to establish in your life, especially strongholds in your mind, you will meet much adversity. During those times of adversity, you may be tempted to give up, saying, “things will never change.” It is times like these that we need to realize that we are actually headed in the right direction. The enemy will do whatever he can to make us believe that our situation is hopeless and unchangeable. If that means sending one of our abusers to try and remind us of our past bondage, he will. As hard as it may be at the time, the correct response needs to be to continue trudging ahead in faith despite whatever emotions or feelings may be triggered by the attack. In my case, my abuser wanted me to remember all the times he controlled and dominated me when I was young and could do nothing about it. He is wanting me to react and return to those thought patterns and attitudes that were built during my many years of abuse. It is not wrong to feel emotions that are triggered. It is wrong, however to dwell on them and believe that nothing has changed just because I felt them and was tempted to shrink back.

So no matter what your circumstance may be, for those of you who can identify with what I am saying, I want to share with you scriptures that will help encourage you as you battle hopelessness in the face of renewing your mind from mindsets and attitudes due to past abuse.

• For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.  (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)            

• So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:11)          

• And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. (John 1:5)       

• And let us not grow weary and faint while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. (Galatians 6:9)

Dwelling on scriptures like these will get us back on track and thinking properly, even if emotions are still there, nagging us to give into them.

If we can figuratively think of a stronghold as a stone wall that separates us from the freedom to think as Jesus thinks, to see people the way Jesus does, and to see ourselves the way Jesus does, it isn’t hard to understand why the devil goes through so much effort to establish them in our minds.  Jeremiah 23:29 says, “Is not My word like a fire?” says the LORD, And like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?”  If walls are made of rocks and the Word of God is like a hammer, we have to be prepared to hammer away at these strongholds for a while before they fall.  Even if it takes years, God’s Word says that the rocks will be broken into pieces and the walls will fall.  Don’t give into hopelessness, keep hammering away in confidence.

My name is Zechariah Manning.  I have started this blog with the intent of creating a safe and encouraging virtual environment for those of us who have been or are currently victims of incest, sexual abuse or other traumatic abuse.   I hope to give us sinned-against individuals a voice and a platform to talk openly about the abuse we have sustained, but more importantly, to focus on healing through the Word of God and a beginning or strengthening of our personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

The heaviness of guilt and shame that comes from incest or sexual abuse can be a weight that drives us into isolation and depression.  It affects our personal relationships as well as a healthy view of ourselves.  It even has the power to negatively affect how we see God, especially when the abuse came from family members.  Until appropriately dealt with, this heaviness and weight can continue to plague us in almost every area of our lives. 

Wherever we are at in our relationship with God (or aren’t for that matter), we have to arrive at the place where we allow Jesus to take the weight of that guilt and shame away from us.  Whether we believe it or not, Jesus does desire to set us free from that heaviness. 

I believe that God has given me Matthew 11: 28-30 as a divine invitation for this blog.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Jesus is asking us to take off the yoke of heaviness (a yoke of bondage and slavery to the past) and give it to Him.  In return, He offers a yoke that brings rest to our souls, lightness to our countenance and hope to our future.    

The only problem with Jesus’ divine invitation comes in our response.  As with all invitations, some are not replied to, while others are outright denied.  If people had a true revelation of God’s earnest desire and ability to set us free, it is hard to imagine anyone not jumping at the opportunity. 

Unfortunately, those of us who have been abused, have unconsciously built walls that hinder us from approaching God and trusting Him.  These walls are mis-beliefs, mindsets, thought patterns and attitudes that effect how we view and react to Jesus, other people, circumstances and ourselves. They can stem from lies spoken by the abusers as well as internal judgments made by us, the sinned-against, as we attempt to make sense of the abuse on our own.  The bible refers to these walls as strongholds.  Strongholds are, in my opinion, the most vicious tool the enemy uses to keep us from experiencing true freedom and intimacy with Jesus.  Destroying these strongholds is vital to our approaching  Jesus with confidence and trust, believing that He wants to remove our yokes of bondage and replace them with His yoke of freedom.

2 Corinthians 10: 4,5 says:  “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,  casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ…”

Therefore, it is my goal that through the Word of God and stories shared here on this blog, strongholds can be both identified and destroyed-ultimately giving us all the courage and confidence we need to accept Jesus’ invitation to set us free and heal our deepest wounds.

“Zechariah’s Harbor” and Joshua’s Harbor”

Announcement from: The Board of Directors, LightHouse World Evangelism, Inc.

Two new blogs will be posting soon for the sole purpose of helping hurting people find freedom, hope, healing, and restoration from traumatic abuse sustained during childhood.  For those of you who are not aware, Pastor Matthew and Christa Manning (our founders and President) adopted two adult children through the legal adoption process in November 2008.  Their names have been officially changed by the court, as well as their birth certificates which now show Pastor Matthew and Christa as their father and mother.  Zechariah (29) came to Pastor Matthew in 2004 for biblical counseling and advice on how to get away from the sexual, physical, and controlling family environment in which he was currently being forced to live in.  In October 2007, Joshua after turning 18, moved out of that same controlling and abusive environment and came to live with his brother and the Manning’s.   After two years of legal wrangling and 10 months of restraining orders, the two men are living free from the slavery and bondage that their abusers told them they could never get away from. 

Zechariah and Joshua have requested permission from the Board of LightHouse World Evangelism, Inc. to begin two separate blogs, in which they could tell their stories of how Jesus Christ helped them get away from such an abusive environment in hopes that others who may be in similar environments could find a safe place to share their pain and trauma and receive prayer, comfort, encouragement, and biblical advice on how to walk out of painful environments or mindsets that keep them in bondage.

We, the Board of LightHouse World Evangelism, want to make it clear that the identities of those that were involved in the abuse of Zechariah and Joshua, as well as those who might post their experiences on our blog, will not be disclosed.  We will also take every reasonable measure to not permit any slandering of persons on these blogs.  We would also like to make very clear, that all parties that have been, or may in the future be arrested for the sexual, physical, or mental abuse of Zechariah and/or Joshua, or any other referenced person or persons from others that might post on these blogs, are innocent until proven guilty in a court of Law.

 Zechariah, Joshua, Pastor Matthew, Christa, and the Board of Directors of LightHouse World Evangelism, Inc. have one motive for these blogs and only one.  These blogs are to provide a safe, virtual environment for those that are currently being abused, or have been abused and are currently working through the process of freedom, forgiveness, and healing to be able to write about and express their thoughts and feelings regarding their journey, or experiences.  This “Safe Virtual Harbor” is for all of those needing to find hope and healing from living in abusive environments and thinking there is no way out!

THERE IS A WAY OUT!  COME TO THE HARBOR AND FIND REST!